Can You Hear Me Now?

Remember those old Verizon commercials?

A man would travel from place to place with a cell phone to his ear, testing the connection by repeatedly asking:

"Can you hear me now?"

Once he received confirmation from the person on the other end, he'd respond:

"Good."

It was simple, memorable, and effective.

Lately, I've been thinking about how useful that same concept can be in everyday communication.

Except perhaps we should change the question.

Instead of simply asking:

"Can you hear me now?"

What if we asked:

"Can you understand me now?"

Because being heard and being understood are two very different things.

Sending Doesn't Mean Receiving

I've spent a lot of time communicating lately.

I've stood in front of groups and taught.

I've worked alongside volunteers to bring events to life.

I've sat across the table from business owners.

I've facilitated conversations with leaders.

I've given instructions, answered questions, listened to concerns, shared ideas, and sent more emails and text messages than I can count.

And all of those experiences continue to remind me of something:

Communication and connection are not the same thing.

We can communicate all day long and still fail to connect.

We sent the email.

We gave the instructions.

We made the announcement.

We held the meeting.

We explained the expectations.

But here's the question:

Did they understand?

Effective communication isn't complete simply because the message was sent.

There has to be something happening on the other end.

Can You Understand Me Now?

Imagine how some of our conversations might change if we became comfortable checking for understanding.

Not condescendingly.

Not:

"Didn't you hear what I said?"

But with genuine curiosity:

"Did I explain that clearly?"

"What did you hear me say?"

"Does that make sense from your perspective?"

"Can I explain that another way?"

These simple questions create an opportunity for the other person to respond.

And then we have to do something that can sometimes be even more difficult than speaking.

Wait.

Listen to the response.

Because communication isn't simply about transmitting information.

It's an exchange.

Different People Receive Messages Differently

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned through my work in communication and personality styles is that the way I naturally communicate isn't necessarily the way another person naturally receives information.

Some people want the bottom line.

Others want the details.

Some need time to process before responding.

Others process by talking.

Some want to know what needs to happen next.

Others need to understand why it matters first.

None of these approaches is necessarily wrong.

They're simply different.

Being an effective communicator sometimes means adjusting how we deliver the message without changing the message itself.

That's not being inauthentic.

That's being intentional.

Listen for the "Good"

There's another part of that old commercial that I think matters.

After asking, "Can you hear me now?" the spokesperson didn't immediately move on.

He waited.

There had to be confirmation from the other end.

Then came:

"Good."

How often do we give people that opportunity in our own communication?

We speak.

We instruct.

We correct.

We explain.

And then we move on.

But connection requires feedback.

Sometimes we need to pause long enough to find out whether the message we intended to send is actually the message the other person received.

Communication Is About People

As I've continued refining the message behind my work, I keep coming back to one principle:

Purpose is People™.

And if people are our purpose, effective communication cannot only be about getting our point across.

It has to include understanding the person on the other side.

Before the presentation, consider the audience.

Before giving feedback, consider the person.

Before sending the email, consider how it may be received.

Before assuming, ask.

Before responding, listen.

And every once in a while, check the connection.

"Can you understand me now?"

Then give the other person enough space to answer.

Reflection

Think about a relationship, team, or conversation where communication has been difficult.

Instead of asking:

"Why don't they understand me?"

Try asking:

"What can I do to help us understand each other better?"

Then listen.

Because effective communication isn't measured simply by what we say.

It's also measured by what the other person understands.

Can you understand me now?

Good.